Corporate Bullies

Riding a school bus can be a fun or frightening experience, especially if there are bullies on board. Graduating from school can provide some momentary relief, because bullies can still appear... even in the corporate workplace. Bob Burg, author of Winning Without Intimidation reveals how to handle these corporate bullies...

Winning Without Intimidation - Vol 2/Issue 32
WINNING WITHOUT INTIMIDATION

Volume 2/Issue No 32 October 9, 2001

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In This Issue:

* Don't *Be* Intimidated, Either
* Ask Bob
* WINNING WITHOUT INTIMIDATION Sales Tip
* Nice Comments from You
* Requesting Back Issues

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Welcome to WINNING WITHOUT INTIMIDATION, the Internet
magazine for people who believe in getting what they want in
all areas of their life (people, relationships, things,
sales, money, etc.) while helping others to feel good about
themselves.

The WINNING WITHOUT INTIMIDATION Mission Statement is as
follows: "To raise the consciousness level of the world in
the arena of human interactions. To show people how to get
what they want while helping others to feel good about
themselves."

"Swallowing angry words before you say them is better than
having to eat them afterwards."
- H. Jackson Brown, Jr. from
"Life's Little Instruction Book"

Good morning. Sitting here with a delicious cup of hot,
decaffeinated coffee. Hope it's good to the last drop.

Although I wasn't going to take any more speaking
engagements in October, it turns out that I'll be in
Chicago, Illinois for six days later this month (23-28).
While there, I have three programs scheduled and lots of
free time. So, if your company or organization would be
interested in booking a special program - and can put it
together quickly - call Ilene at 1-800-726-3667. I can speak
on both/either "Endless Referrals" and/or "Winning Without
Intimidation." For information on my live programs go to:

http://www.burg.com/f-speaking.html

Anyway, on to this week's feature article, which is...

* Don't *Be* Intimidated, Either

After last week's article discussing why WINNING WITHOUT
INTIMIDATION is more effective than trying to win via
intimidating others, I received an email from a newer
subscriber who had a very valid point. She wrote, "There are
times when, in the course of my work, I must negotiate with
an aggressive, dishonest, bully. You touched on this today,
but more 'nuts and bolts' detail would be nice. There must
be better ways to kindly protect myself from bullying and
dishonest manipulation."

She is absolutely correct. Although we've dealt with some of
the specifics in past articles, let's look at a couple of
generic techniques that bullies might use in order to
intimidate *you*, and what you can do to defend yourself, turn
the situation around and have everyone come out a winner.

Please keep in mind that "bullies" come in all kinds of
shapes, sizes and genders. They are involved in all types of
professions. And, they appear in all types of situations.

Today, let's feature the "Loud-Mouthed Screamer". This is
the person who...well, has a loud mouth and screams. If you
"all of a sudden" find yourself in a negotiation,
transaction or disagreement with this type, dealing with him
or her can be a horrible experience. Mainly, because you are
so surprised, you don't have time to "respond" properly, and
might "react" in either one of two ways - by cowering away
or by screaming right back. Neither of those two "reactions"
will usually help your cause.

That's why it is important to first rehearse, in your mind,
how you will deal with a loud-mouthed screamer the next time
it happens. Remember that your subconscious does not know
the difference between truth and your imagination. Thus, as
an astronaut rehearses his or her space flight thousands of
times in simulation so that the actual flight feels totally
natural, you can do the same in this context. Of course, it
won't be necessary to rehearse too many times; just a few.

Next, when actually faced with the loud-mouthed screamer,
decide to "respond" - not "react." This simply means that
you take a moment to think, get your bearings, be the boss
of *yourself* and your own emotions. Think: "I've rehearsed
this; I know what to do."

Then, take the appropriate action. (The following example,
of course, is generic. While you might have to adjust
according to the situation, the "principle" will work.)

#1 Let the person complete their first outburst while
keeping the expression on your face totally neutral and
expressionless. You are neither approving nor condemning
their actions.

#2 In a very calm, even-toned voice say, "Pat, I appreciate
your concern and would like to be able to work with you on
this. Unfortunately, I can't be of any help to you while
you're yelling."

At this point, Pat learns that you refuse to be intimidated,
yet - and this is *so* important - by not yelling back
(challenging) you haven't backed Pat into a corner where
it's either yell back at you or admit defeat. Remember that,
assuming you want this transaction to work out, you don't
want to cause Pat to feel defeated and embarrassed. That
will almost ensure that you won't get anything but
resentment. Pat, being a bully (and usually - though not
always - bullies are cowards at heart), would then try and
find another way to sabotage you and the situation.

Other effective phrases when facing the loud-mouthed
screamer include:

* "Tom, I'm happy to discuss this situation with you but not
if you're going raise your voice. When you're ready to
discuss it with me calmly, I'm here for you."

* "Barbara, I appreciate your concern. Before I can even
work with you on this, however, you need to respect me
enough to talk to me adult to adult and not yell."

* "Tim, I'm sure you're very good at what you do, but it's
very difficult for me to concentrate while I'm being yelled
at. If I can't concentrate, then I'm not in a position to be
able to help you accomplish what you want.

* (Knowing you have *not* said or done anything to offend
the person, you ask) "Diane, I'm wondering if I've said or
done something to offend you. If so, I'd be happy to
apologize. I just can't think of any other reason you'd be
shouting at me instead of just speaking to me."

Quick note: Always follow point #1, which is to let the
person complete their first outburst while keeping the
expression on your face totally neutral and unresponsive.
Then follow point #2 and maintain a very calm, even-toned
voice when using these examples.

In an upcoming issue, we'll talk about how to deal with
people who use "trickery" to get you to comply with their
wishes or to one way or another do their will.

I'm glad to have you with us. Have an awesome WINNING
WITHOUT INTIMIDATION week! (Keep scrolling down for more
articles and other "stuff.") :-)

Bob Burg

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Bob Burg is author of "Winning Without Intimidation: How to
Master the Art of Positive Persuasion in Today's Real World"
(http://www.profnet.org/books/bburg.html)- Samark Pub, and
"Endless Referrals: Network Your Everyday Contacts Into
Sales" (http://www.burg.com/f-er.html)- McGraw-Hill. He also
speaks to corporations, associations, and organizations on
these two topics. To book Bob for your next major meeting or
convention, call 1-800-726-3667.

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*Ask Bob

Noticing the large number of books to which I refer and
recommend during my articles, David, from the United
Kingdom, wrote, "Bob, How come your links in this newsletter
to Amazon.com do not have any kind of affiliate code? In
this way you can make a commission on books that people buy
through reading the newsletter to help support its cost.
Just a thought."

David, Thank you for your insightful question. Since many of
my helpful readers have asked the same question, I might as
well "bite the bullet" and explain. The reason why is that I
don't want there to be any "perceived conflict or
impropriety" in the minds of my readers. In other words,
might they wonder, "Hey, does Burg recommend these books
because he's making money off them?" Not that there would
necessarily be anything wrong with that, providing I was
giving recommendations in which I truly believed, but it's
still that "perception of impropriety" that I wish to avoid.

Again, thank you for writing and for your great question.

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* WINNING WITHOUT INTIMIDATION Sales Tip - "May Or
May Not"

When attempting to set a presentation with a new prospect,
here's a great WWI-type phrase to use:

"Mr./Ms. Prospect, here's an idea in which you 'may or may
not' be interested."

Why is this phrase so effective? Because you have just
positioned yourself to your prospect as being both honest
and non-pressure (which, of course, is true).

After all, a salesperson can't get much more honest than to
tell their prospect that they have something that 'may not'
be of interest. And, with that statement, the prospect can't
possibly feel any pressure.

Bonus: Since you've established your honesty so solidly,
anything you say during the actual presentation has a much
greater chance of being taken seriously and with
credibility.

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"Down in their hearts, wise men know this truth: the only way
to help yourself is to help others."
-- Elbert Hubbard

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* Nice Comments from You

Hi Bob,

"Thanks for the words of inspiration and wisdom during
today's conference call. St. Louis area agents appreciated
your patience and good information! I plan on taking
advantage of many of the things you spoke about."

Valerie, Missouri

Dear Bob,

"Regarding Issue #2-30, I can't agree with you more on the
importance of identifying yourself, especially on the phone.
Almost as bad as someone calling and making you play the
guessing game, is someone who only says their first name and
then keeps on talking. Meanwhile, while they are talking,
I'm tuning out their words with my mind drifting to try to
figure out who's on the line. I enjoy your weekly
commentary."

Matt, Connecticut

"Bob! Where is the message from the Rabbi at the end!? I
miss him! Wish I could afford his book but since I can't I
enjoy his messages included along with your always
delightful message. I hope they will be back in future
issues."

Much love,

Harry

Hi Bob,

"Just wanted to drop a note to say how much I enjoy reading
Winning Without Intimidation. Much of what you say are
things I've done naturally all my life and the messages you
bring are ones I'm in complete agreement with. And I've
always had success by practicing and living with deep
consideration of all those I come into contact with. Keep
the positive messages coming."

Phil, Pennsylvania

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* Requesting Back Issues

Back issues may be obtained by sending an email to:

mailto:profnet@velocity.net

IMPORTANT: In order for the autoresponder to "respond"
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WINNING WITHOUT INTIMIDATION Issue (number here) in the
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Issues 1-21 are now available.

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Copyright 2001